1. |
July / Intro
00:54
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I wanna bash my head into my bedroom wall so hard it'll leave a dent
I wanna gouge my fucking eyeballs right out of my head
The heat's making me crazy I don't know what else to do
Nobody's texted me in about a month or two
But it's fine, at least I'm still alive
It's fine, I'm really trying
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2. |
Coping
01:38
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I keep having the same old dreams I keep writing the same old songs
Some I share and some I don't so no one'll think there's anything wrong
I keep singing to strangers about my anxiety
It's gotten to the point where I know they know there's something wrong with me
Starting to cope like this is better than lying to myself
It's also better than keeping my feelings bottled up on a shelf
At least no one's pointed out I need a therapist oh god
'Cause I'm trying really hard even though I'm really bad at this
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3. |
Bleed
02:30
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My ears won't stop bleeding 'cause she won't stop screaming in them
And following me everywhere I go
Abused, misused, yes I will tell the truth
But now she's seeking vengeance and won't leave me alone
Up, down, around, across the street
Chase me down until I bleed
Her mouth is foaming while she is roaming the streets trying to track me down
Can't hide for much longer while she's getting stronger
She always seems to be around somewhere
Up, down, around, across the street
Following me until I bleed
Up, down, around, across the street
Chase me down until I bleed
Up, down, around, across the street
Following me til I bleed
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4. |
Agoraphobia
01:50
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Took the 66 to the end of its route
Ignored my bad gut feeling I had nothing better to do
And now my hands are sweaty and everyone around me
Is a stranger but at least I'm not alone
I don't wanna go outside I just wanna feel alive
Took a long walk around my neighborhood
Ignored the setting sun 'cause I knew I still should
And now it's dark and scary and someone could kill me
But for now at least I'm all alone
I just wanna go outside I don't wanna feel alive
I don't wanna go outside I just wanna feel alive
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5. |
Recital
01:53
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Putting my costume on for my performance that won't ever end
I have to try to look nice for the fucked up recital in my head
Eventually I can go home but I have to put on a good show
Even though it's never in my control
I've been through this at least a hundred times
But I never quite learned how to survive
Even though it's all in my head
I know this recital still wants me dead
Putting my makeup on so no one'll sense it's me
Maybe I can run away before the afterparty
I'm so used to pretending so I hate that this is the real thing
And that everyone is watching but no one seems to care
I've been through this at least a hundred times
But I never really thought I would survive
Even though its all in my head
I know this recital still wants me dead
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6. |
Ghost
02:21
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Wishing I could disappear but also wishing I was near
I don't know what to say
Maybe I could stick around if that means I won't feel down
Or act as if I'm far away
Look at me
Look away
Staring down at my hands, brainstorming backup plans
Should I head for the door?
Constantly floating through time with next to nothing on my mind
But secretly there's so much more
Look at me
Look away
Please look at me
Look the other way
Wishing I could disappear but also wishing I was near
I don't know what to say
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Lydia Deetz Boston, Massachusetts
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ on a ~break~ of sorts but still feel free to say hello lydiadeetzmusic@gmail.com
pic above by omari spears
<3
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